It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog. If I’m being honest, I’ve had a rough few weeks. I’ll spare you the dirty details, but I will tell you the words that kept crossing my mind: “I want to give up…………..”
Thinking about those words now, I don’t know exactly what I wanted to give up. Was it Christianity, parenthood, ministry, or all of the above? I actually considered all of those over this week… Maybe it was just the challenge of being a Christian in the 21st century that was weighing on me. Maybe it was the challenge of being a new dad. Maybe it was the challenge of trying to be a spiritual leader for my family. Maybe it was the financial struggles we’ve had this month. Maybe it was the fact that I got a cold and thought it was COVID. Maybe it was being in ministry for the first time that was getting to me. More than likely, it was all of these things combined that overwhelmed me, and I just wanted to throw my hands up and give it all up.
Surely I’m not the only person who has felt this before… or maybe I am…
Tonight something changed in me though. I was rocking our daughter to sleep and a song that we sing in worship crossed my mind, so I started singing it out loud (as I usually do). It was a song titled “Above the Bright Blue” and it goes like this:
“There’s a beautiful place called heaven, it is hidden above the bright blue, where the good who from earth-ties are riven, live and love an eternity through. Above the bright blue, the beautiful blue, Jesus is waiting for me and for you. Heaven is there not far from our sight, beautiful city of light. This land of sweet rest awaits us, some day it will break on our view, it is promised by Christ the Redeemer to His followers faithful and true. Above the bright blue, the beautiful blue, Jesus is waiting for me and for you. Heaven is there not far from our sight, beautiful city of light.”
As this song kept ringing in my head, I kept singing it over and over. The whole time I sang this song, I kept coming back to the chorus, and one line stood out to me… “Jesus is waiting for me and for you.” Jesus is waiting for me…. what a thought.
These words were exactly what I needed to hear after this past week. It was a week of financial stress, anxiety in a new place, struggles as a husband and a father, and spiritual struggles above all of those, and all of that wore me down and made me want to give up. But the words “Jesus is waiting for me” are exactly what I needed to hear. The fact that my savior, who came to earth and died for me, is sitting in heaven waiting for me to get there is such a motivation to keep me going. I know that Jesus is watching me struggle, and I can only imagine the sadness and heartbreak He would feel if I gave up now. Knowing that He is watching and waiting for me to get home is enough for me to keep fighting for it.
I don’t know what your situation is, or if you’ve even felt this way before, but what I do know is that life is hard. We get beat up and thrown around in this world. But as the songwriter said, “Heaven is there, not far from our sight. Beautiful city of light.” If you’re struggling, keep going. You can see the finish line. Our life doesn’t last forever, so just fight until it’s over.
I don’t know why I share all of this, honestly… It’s not a cry for help, I’m better now (seriously, don’t bombard me with calls asking if I’m okay… I am). I guess I’m just assuming other people feel this way at times too. If you’re feeling this way, I want you to go find this song on YouTube and give it a listen: (no excuses; here it is) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgvJnlKNlkY (but finish reading this first)…
Let these words sink into your heart: Jesus is waiting for you. You can’t give up. After everything that He’s done for you to be with Him in heaven, you can’t give it all up now. Keep pushing forward, even when you feel like you can’t. Keep fighting the good fight, even when you feel like you’re losing. Keep praying, even when you feel like you’re not worthy to pray. Keep singing songs, even when you’re sad. Go to church, even when you don’t want to go. Just keep going, whatever it takes.
I hope my vulnerability helps you. I don’t like being vulnerable, but I know that I’m not the only one who has considered walking away from it all. Just remember that Jesus is waiting for you to finish this race… You CAN’T give up. If that’s the only thing that motivates you to keep going this week, then this blog was worth the vulnerability…
Remember that I love you, and God loves you.
-KB
Creating Ballance 